Embracing ‘No’: Why Learning to Accept Rejection is the Key to Unlocking the Full Potential of Your Life

Mentoring thoughts with Kaushali Kusumpala

In 1956, a young woman entered Harvard Law School as one of only nine women in a class of over 500 men. Professors questioned her presence, asking why she was taking a man’s place. Despite these challenges, she excelled, becoming the first female member of the prestigious Harvard Law Review. However, upon graduating at the top of her class in 1959, she faced further rejection. When she applied to become a clerk to a Supreme Court Justice, he declined to hire her due to her gender, and law firms in New York dismissed her without consideration.

Undeterred, she began teaching at Rutgers Law School, where she took on groundbreaking cases challenging gender discrimination. Slowly, she crafted a legacy that rewrote American law, case by case. This is the story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who ultimately in 1993 was appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court as only the second woman in history. Her story highlights the power of “no” and the potential it holds for growth. Let’s dive into how overcoming the fear of rejection and failure is an essential part of the growth mindset and is key to unlocking your own potential.

Why Rejection Can Feel So Dangerous

Rejection isn’t just psychological—it’s biological. Neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart explains that repeated experiences of rejection create neural pathways that associate mistakes with danger, triggering our brain’s fight-or-flight response. Over time, this ingrained response can lead to a reluctance to take risks, diminishing our ability to express opinions and think creatively. Rewiring these pathways to embrace rejection instead of fearing it allows us to strengthen resilience and encourages openness to learning from our mistakes.

Similarly, psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset shows that people who see failures as opportunities for growth are far more likely to achieve long-term success. Those with a growth mindset recognize that failure is a natural and necessary part of improvement, promoting innovation and adaptability. Without the chance to experience failure and learn from it, individuals develop a fixed mindset—one where they avoid risks to protect their self-worth.

Rejection and Creativity: Why Saying Yes to “No” Fuels Innovation

Research consistently shows that some of the greatest innovators and creators—like Thomas Edison, who famously “failed” 10,000 times before perfecting the light bulb—are those willing to confront failure head-on. Studies highlight that individuals who are encouraged to explore new ideas and make mistakes develop stronger creative thinking skills and greater resilience. By allowing ourselves to embrace mistakes, we train our brains to break away from rigid patterns and find unexpected solutions to complex problems.

When society discourages experimentation or labels failure as shameful, we risk stifling potential. This effect can be particularly pronounced in women, who often experience self-doubt stemming from cultural expectations and workplace norms that discourage them from taking risks or speaking up. Research shows that women’s opinions are more likely to be dismissed or overlooked, reinforcing a confidence gap that makes rejection failure and learn from it, individuals develop a fixed mindset—one where they avoid risks to protect their self-worth.

Practical Steps to Make ‘No’ Your Ally

Here are some actionable strategies to help you start seeing “no” as a stepping stone instead of a roadblock.

1. Build Self-Reflection into Your Routine: To strengthen your sense of self-expression, try daily self-reflection exercises like journaling. This practice helps you become comfortable with your own thoughts, ideas, and viewpoints. The more familiar you are with your own voice, the more resilient you’ll become when facing criticism.
2. Define a Personal Vocabulary for Your Identity: Imagine yourself as a brand. What words and phrases uniquely represent you? Developing this personal vocabulary is crucial because it helps your brain connect with your uniqueness. The power of words can shape our actions and influence the opportunities and people we attract into our lives. Embrace this practice to highlight your distinctive qualities and boost your self-confidence.
3. Try New Creative Activities: Embrace the joy of trying new things. Train your brain to continuously learn new skills and appreciate the learning curve, even when it means being imperfect. Enjoy the process of growth and be mindful of the journey. This signals to yourbrain that new experiences are positive, that the learning process involves imperfection, and that it’s safe to be open and curious. Engaging in creative activities fosters resilience and encourages a mindset of exploration and self-compassion.

Kaushali – Turning ‘No’ into Success

For me, the path to where I am today wasn’t a series of open doors or easy affirmations. I wasn’t the top of my class—far from it. I was a mediocre student, who had a quiet ambition of being successful. But even those aspirations were kept to myself from a young age as I feared the rejection. When I started my career, there were many who doubted me and faced numerous rejections than undeniably and unconsciously had me questioning my own self-worth. Some doubted my abilities; others discouraged me from even trying.

However, there was a turning point in my own journey, as I recognized how I’ve been subconsciously ‘allowing’ an external narrative to dictate my worthiness. As I started shifting my mindset and working on re-writing the narrative on my own worthiness, I built an internal locus of control. This helped me overcome the fear of rejection and take more growth-focused risks. Conquering the fear of rejection requires vulnerability and openness, enabling you to change the narrative from ‘I am not good enough’ to ‘Let me try’ and ‘This didn’t work, but there must be another way’. This shift in thinking has been liberating. Today, I celebrate every time I think or act in a way that builds my character. I’ve found that the positive reinforcement I give myself for character growth, rather than focusing solely on material success rewarded by others, has fostered a greater sense of confidence and happiness. Ultimately, self empowerment cannot be given, it is owned by you, and you alone.

So, to all the women out there—let’s be our own champions, and it starts with fostering our ability to make your own voice heard, accepting that failure is a teacher, and taking a chance on yourself is the greatest act of kindness you can offer yourself.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Maya Angelou.

Kaushali is a University of Melbourne graduate with 15 years of experience in corporate leadership. In 2022, she embarked on a profound journey of self-discovery, exploring meditation, spirituality, and holistic well-being practices. Drawing from her personal transformation and professional insights, she writes passionately about self-discovery and self-love, offering readers inspiring reflections and practical guidance to reconnect with their inner selves.